"Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."
My comfort zone is a space that is really private, reserved and hidden. Maybe it's because I'm tempted to seek the approval of others, so I feel like I need to fill up the cup or the mold people create for me to fit in instead. Or maybe it's because I just don't want to be misinterpreted or judged any more, so my response has been to pull back and stay silent in order to avoid conflict. I think sometimes life shapes and molds us in ways we don't always agree with and we don't realize who we've become until boom - we look in the mirror and don't like what we see.
In the middle of my pit, I looked in the mirror and saw someone who was a product of other people's opinions and preferences. A fake, people-pleasing, package. It was an eye opener. In a last ditch effort of preserving any chance I had at keeping it 'together', I put the Anina that I knew and loved, away for safe-keeping. Away from anyone who could add another hurt. Away from most eyes because from my perspective, being vulnerable wasn't allowed. It was about the show. All that to say - I realized that because I've become so private that I had not put out or shared what I have been gifted, which are all the beautiful (and not so beautiful) life experiences, memories, my passions, my feelings, my beliefs, and even the people in my life, that I’ve kept to myself!
This isn't meant to be a bulletin board for our family or to update people on our life. This is my little corner of the internet where I have popped the 'personal space' bubble so that I can pursue things that actually mean something instead of the approval from others. This is me finding myself again. Learning who I am outside of my roles and responsibilities. And being raw with myself, for myself!
I think I’ve been talking about having a place to put all my babbles and phone photos for while now. I’m not the best at documenting, which has been a huge regret in the past, so I'm deciding to move past those late night thoughts of ‘I wish I had photos or journals to remember that moment or that day’. As we jump into a new life on the West Coast, I can’t find a better reason to start blogging than now. We have been so richly blessed with this privilege of creating the life that I've always dreamed of with my crew and that ought to be shared! So here’s to whatever this may become – welcome to little lovesome!
So you’ll go out in joy,
you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
no more thornbushes, but stately pines—
Monuments to me, to God,
living and lasting evidence of God.”